Relieved? or not?

I took a breath of fresh air when i walked out of his room. I din know it would be this easy when i finally opened my gold filled mouth and tell him what i wanted, he understood immediately. And i worry that situation will be different to the stage where i suffocate when i took my very first step in the office this morning.

It's a surprise for me, not to say, everybody else...maybe its for the best. Even until this minute, it's hard to believe that i've made such decision..

Whatever or however it is, i'm glad it's finally over..i dont have to face my fear anymore coz i ran away from it. Sooooooo useless...sigh...

where am i?

Last nite, at yamcha session, after those deep silent thoughts being voiced out, i really feel that i need to get a new job with better benefit...or lets say, salary!

This morning, i feel like hell to get up and drag myself to office..i don't know why i keep on thinking that this job isn't meant for me. Maybe it really is...just thinking bout travelling itself makes me weak.
So lonely.....to be alone.
The silent journey back and forth..nobody directs me, nobody tells me where to go, where to turn, nobody plans the destination and nobody takes lunch with me anymore..i'm all on my own.

At first, i'm all excited bout it coz i'm the boss now..finally, nobody tells me what to do anymore. I hate to admit that i'm only 40% right. The rest of the percentage i will say...go to loneliness and insecurity of being alone in an unfamiliar land. I am Scared!

I've hid this words in my heart so deep inside that i would not even tell my dearest ones....but now, i have to admit that... I'm actually scared!

Sigh........gdnite ppl.....i wish tomoro never comes...

when there's no difference between right and wrong...

What do u do when u know what u're doing is wrong but by all means seems so right to u? its a miserable world we're living in...

It has been almost a year now that i've successfully corrected myself in this situation but now...when i thought it was gone,it came back! hitting me at the right spot just like before...it makes me feel so right doing that particular wrong thing...

What do i do now? Am i able to ward off this feeling this time? Am i able to continue to ignore u like i used to forced myself to? or should i say u forced me to? can i still believe in u now? i dunno....

I wonder why u still wanna talk about it after u've decided to abandon me after all this while...sigh...what u've said and done, i dont know which is the truth anymore..

The nite is still.......but my heart's shaking..

travelling = working!

As i visit some customer yesterday, i manage to spent some time sight seeing in Broga. Nothing much there but this nice view and pretty temple.



walk way from temple

staircase to heaven

monkey god guarding temple.

nice view,bad quality pic..haha

well, to me working=travelling...depending on the location i go to..

work work work..

this week is the 7th week of my working period and i've already felt i've been working for like forever...no doubt that this job makes me happy as i get to travel all the time..well, everyday indeed..i met quite a few kind of people in this period. feel really tired...i mean just imagine that u have to travel almost 4-5 hours a day for everyday......i hope i can make it..as my bosses have certain levels of confidence in me.
however, it's sad to know that sometimes..what u want is not what u will get..as for this week,i've learnt that not everybody u know will like u for who u are no matter how good u behave in front of them. they just cant wait to condemn u..will i be able to stand strong in front of them in the future? who should i trust so that i know the road that i'm taking is the correct one? how do i know the instructions i follow will lead me to hell?
i guess that's the differences between working life and studying life huh? till these days, i still miss my uni life very very much..the happiest time of my life...i learn to laugh and at the same time to work hard as a team..the time that we've had, there's no way anybody or anything could replace it...and soon, i'll be attending my convocation...will i meet them again? i dunno...
i hardly find happiness nowadays as everything is so routine..nothing seem to matters..or maybe am i being blinded by all the problems i've faced or seen?
i wish the day would come again...maybe tonite when i'm sleeping, tomoro, next month or next year.......the day my heart feel happy again.

introducing....5 feet 1.

5 Feet 1 in action.




Backfresh competition 22.06.08



me...juz after d performance


my band have juz recently won best performance for the backfresh competition held by few big organizers..we played "i hate myself for loving you" and "scars".

basically....this is what i do when i'm not working..catching up everyweek with my bandmates and practise new songs or our own songs for the next gig.

we're currently doing recording for 1 of our own song too...will post up here when it's done!

till then...

i'm here!

hi! juz trying out...will update soon!